A Series of Pointless Events
by Insane But Happy
Summary: A story fueled entirely by boredom. Any confusion, nervous breakdowns, headaches, loss of sanity, fatigue, frustration andor logical turmoil while reading this story is completely and utterly coincidental.
1. Chapter the First

I do not own Teen Titans. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting cough spending my time here writing fanfics about it. Huzzah! Oh, and I also don't own The Lord of the Rings. Wish I did, 'cause the books and the movies are awesome.

**A Series of Pointless Events**

A little known fact about Beast Boy: he likes tofu. Hell, even if you're not a fan of Teen Titans, you know that Beast Boy likes tofu. When you think of Beast Boy, you think of tofu, and vice-versa. Everyone in the tower knew that he loved tofu with a passion. However, for one reason or another, Beast Boy was unaware of this.

So one day, Beast Boy decided he would make himself heard. He puffed out his chest, a determined expression on his face, and marched into the living room. The first person he saw was Raven, who was levitating a foot above the couch, reading a book. Coincidentally, this book was titled _The Lord of the Rings_. This is coincidental because several hundred miles off to the North, an old man was flipping through his television channels, and happened to stumble upon an add for the upcoming _Lord of the Rings_ musical.

"My God, they're making a _Lord of the Rings_ musical!" he then resumed his channel surfing, indifferent.

And so it was as Raven read this purely coincidental book that Beast Boy marched up to her, head held high, and said "I like tofu."

"No duh." Raven dead panned, not even bothering to glance up from her rather coincidental book.

Now, usually two words of such small size and meaning would have little effect on a person.

However, there was always an exception, and in this case, it was Beast Boy. He just looked at Raven, his ears drooping, unsure of what he could say to clear this rather awkward situation.

Lucky fort Beast Boy, a distraction was provided when non other then Robin walked into the room. Now, usually Robin wouldn't waste his time worrying about shiny green fabric, but on this particular day, it was exactly what he was worrying about.

"Team, I've been thinking." Robin said dramatically.

"That can't be good." Cyborg said, walking into room having just finished cleaning his baby, or rather, the T-Car. Robin chose to ignore this, deciding that the situation was far too important to waste time worrying about this. A little known fact about Robin: he tends to push the drama.

"Like I said, I've been thinking," he continued, "and have come to the conclusion that my tights make me look, for lack of a better term, gay."

Beast Boy and Cyborg looked at Robin blankly, unsure of what to say to that notion. Raven chose simply to ignore them all, deciding that men were simply hopeless, and that she might consider becoming a nun. No offense to men, of course; they're quite lovely when not in a gassy mood.

Well, I'm just digging myself deeper into this, aren't I? Sorry.

And so all went silent, leaving Robin feeling rather confused and very much uncomfortable. Lucky for him, Starfire chose that very moment to fly into the room from the kitchen, where she had, coincidentally, just invented a new fabric stronger then steel and light as a feather simply by mixing egg shells, baking soda, an old bottle of mustard and a handful of toenail clipping she had found on the floor. The original owner of the toenails is still to be discovered, but the others had a sneaking suspicion that Cyborg was secretly collecting the toenails in order to make sculptures out of them in an attempt to revolutionize modern art as we know it. The coincidental fabric would soon be lost, however, when the Gerbils attempted to take over Titans Tower, but the story hasn't gotten that far yet.

Well. Starfire flew into the room, having heard the conversation going on there, and immediately wrapped Robin in a bone-crushing, yet reassuring hug. A little known fact about Starfire: she loves Robin. She loves him like peanut butter loves jelly, like Beast Boy loves tofu, like Rice Crispies (Which I also do not own) love marshmallows. Also, on a rather coincidental side not, when put in a microwave and heated up for thirty seconds, the marshmallow will inflate, causing a mini explosion and ultimately turning into a pile of sticky yet satisfyingly sweet goo. But this is completely irrelevant to the topic, if there ever was one to begin with.

"Robin, whatever the term 'gay' may mean, I assure you, you are not so!" Starfire said brightly. Robin nodded, somewhat reassured, and then thought it wise to ask a question that had been nagging at him for several moments now.

"Beast Boy, why are you wearing a giant sombrero?"

For indeed the young green boy was now sporting a sombrero with a very wide brim. He shrugged.

"It just seemed appropriate for the moment." The others, including Raven, exchanged a glance, only to be startled even more when they looked back only to see Beast Boy now sporting a very tall cowboy hat.

"I'm not even going to ask." Raven said, monotone.

It was then that Violet, Claus and Sunny Beaudelaire (All of which I do not own) popped up, giving the Titans yet another confusing thing to think about.

"Uh…what are you guys doing here?" asked Robin, "And who the heck are you?"

"We're the Beaudelaire twins," said Violet, "and we have every right to be here. After all, the title of this story is dreadfully similar to the title of our series, for which the authoress will soon be sued."

Damn.

"But we don't really want to stay long," Claus piped in, "So we'll just be stealing your T.V. and be off."

And so, using their godly strength which I just bestowed on them (in hopes that I won't get sued) the Beaudelaire orphans lifted the very tall, very wide T-Television (which I just named now) and hefted it off back to wherever they came from.

It took the Titans a moment to register what had just happened, and when they finally did, it was Beast Boy who reacted first.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he bawled to the Heavens, falling to his knees and clutching his head.

There was an awkward silence.

"So, who's up for mini-golfing?" said Robin, holding up a bag of mini-putting clubs he had, one way or another, produced from behind his back.

Dare you find out what happens in chapter two?

Review my story, and perhaps I will tell you!


	2. Chapter the Second

I do not own the Teen Titans. God, I wish I owned the Teen Titans…I really, really wish I did… Goes into fits of sobs

Darth Suroth: OK, you got me. Yes, I am currently reading _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _(Which I absolutely love but do not own!) and was inspired to write this. I'm glad that someone else has read them too.

Terra: Well, I did actually write a TT soap-opera spoof, but FanFic took it off because it was in script format. :( Anywhoo, I'll try and put in some more outside characters, if they fit into the plot somehow. Which means that I most likely will, since this story is plotless! xD

Shayleemad: I'm so glad you like it.

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**Chapter the Second**

And so it was that the Teen Titans went mini-golfing. Coincidentally, this was no coincidence at all.

"Please, what is this miniature golfing that we will be taking part in?" Starfire asked in her sweet, naïve little voice. Of course it was Robin's job to explain it to her (Partly because he liked talking to her and partly because the others just didn't want to go to the trouble of explaining everything to the extremely curious alien girl).

"I'll show you when we get there." He said, smiling. Starfire smiled back appreciatively. Now, this would have been a very small, yet sappy moment were it not for the fact that Robin, because his attention was averted towards Starfire at that time, walked right into a very tall and utterly useless pole.

"See, I told ya we shouldn't have put that poll there, Bob!" a hefty construction worker said, turning to his colleague.

"Yeah, sure, blame it all on Bob! Sheesh, no one ever cuts me some slack 'round here." Bob huffed, biting into his foot long submarine sandwich annoyed.

"Robin!" Starfire squeaked in surprise.

"Dude, are you OK?" Beast Boy asked as the rest of them rushed to his aid. Robin held out a hand.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He said, regaining his balance and composure before continuing on his way. The others, relieved, followed.

Now it's a well known fact that if one walks into a poll, it will hurt and probably result in a somewhat painful bump on the noggin. It's also a well known fact that if you walk into another poll soon after you walked into the first one, your pain will increase once-fold.

However, this is not what Robin did.

He walked into three more polls.

As a result, by the end of it, the pain had not only increased thrice-fold, but he was also now staggering around the parking lot of the gold course, asking every garbage can he came across whether or not they knew the way to Kansas city. One of them did make an attempt to answer him, but Robin was far too muddled and confused to take any notice. And so, with a bit of effort, the rest of the Titans dragged him all the way to the front desk, where Robin proudly stated that he was indeed wearing a fresh pair of socks, and nothing anyone could ever say would make him think otherwise! No one dared deny him.

The Titans paid for their entry, which, coincidentally, cost 3.75 each. This is coincidental because at that very moment, a rather large group of people were paying that exact amount to ride a bus. However, angered that the price of the bus was so high for their standards, the passengers took the bus driver by the scruff of the neck, threw him out the door, and proceeded to take over the bus. The bus drove at 100 miles per hour, driving straight into Jump City River, and sunk. Unfortunately, everyone in the bus drowned, all except for little Timmy Taphole, who escaped and ran off to Capital City, where he went on to become the president of a very successful doorbell manufacturing company. This is, however, completely irrelevant to the subject, were there ever a real subject in the first place.

After several moments during which Robin regained the larger part of his common sense, the Titans were ready to play what was sure to be a most enjoyable game of mini-golf.

Then it started to rain.

Penguins.

Yes, the sky opened up and down from the Heavens fell a bountiful of penguins! They all squawked and screeched, overwhelmed by their surroundings and the mind boggling sensation of free-falling hundreds of feet from the sky and down onto a golf course. At first, all anyone could do was stare mouth agape, in awe. At some point, though, it must have occurred to someone that something was bound to happen when the penguins hit the ground, because a sudden very loud, very shrill shriek came from in the depths of the awe-struck crowd. That was the Titans cue to take action.

"Titans, Go!" Robin commanded, pointing his finger into the air melodramatically. He stopped short, however, at the realization that his team was nowhere to be found.

"Hey, what did we miss?" said Cyborg as he and the rest of the team came towards Robin, each of them clutching an ice cream cone. (With the exception of Raven, who, as she had announced to them all, considered ice cream and all other iced things to be pointless and an utter waste of one's time and money. She had merely chosen to go along with them out of boredom, and ended up disappearing for five minutes. The others decided to think nothing of it, though they were sure they had heard suspicious licking and crunching sounds coming from behind the counter. The fact that Raven, when they found her, had her mouth covered in Death by Chocolate ice cream meant absolutely nothing to them) (Coincidentally, Death by Chocolate is the exact same flavor that I saw when visiting a mini-golf course this very day, and I still stand by my belief that naming an ice cream Death by Chocolate is a bad influence on children, and will undoubtedly develop some sort of ice cream-fearing phobia for some children.)

"Oh, you haven't really missed much," Robin reassured them, "Just a torrent of penguins falling from the sky."

The rest of the team looked up.

"Hey, so they are!" said Beast Boy, taking a large bite of his ice cream. The rest of the team nodded and murmured in agreement, taking a large bite of their ice cream in unison. After a moment, Starfire spoke.

"So, shall we play some of the miniature golf?"

"Yeah, OK." Cyborg said, throwing his ice cream cone over his shoulder and walking towards the course. The others followed him. Robin watched them in disbelief.

"Uh, guys, I don't think you understand the severity of this. There are hundreds, thousands of penguins falling from the sky. Don't you think we should do something about it?"

"No."

"Nope."

"I see no reason to."

Robin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why, it was unheard of! Completely, and utterly unheard of!

"This is unheard of!" Robin said, "Completely and utterly unheard of!"

"Perhaps, but these things tend to sort themselves out." Raven said in her usual, apathetic manner. And just as she said this, the penguins were suddenly drawn, as if by magnetic force, towards each other, becoming one enormous penguin. The giant penguin then, somehow or another, spontaneously combusted rendering the penguin into nothing more then a rather large amount of ash. Finally, thanks to air pollution, the ash burned up and ultimately disappeared in the Earth's atmosphere.

"There we are, problem solved." Said Beast Boy dismissively, "Now can we _please_ play some mini-golf?"

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And there you have the second chapter. Have I captured your interest? If so, submit review, and I shall bring you more.


	3. Chapter the Third

Here is chapter three! Wahoo! Throws hat into the air then realizes that she has no hat on Owe, my head, owe…

There are getting to be too many people to reply to, so I'll simply say a big THANKS! for all the reviews!

I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet I Like Feet

**Chapter the Third**

The sky was blue like a blue sky, the grass was green like Beast Boy's toe, and the Titans were ready to play mini-golf.

Nothing stopped them.

Absolutely nothing.

Seriously.

And so the Titans set themselves up at the first hole, excited to finally get to play their game. Robin, being the leader, felt it his duty to go first. He made sure Star was paying very close attention so that she may see how it's done. He set his red golf ball down on the green and poised his golf club at the ready. Coincidentally, this was the exact same spot where Johnny McFarnegan, mini-golf extraordinaire set down his pink colored golf ball in the mini-golf championship of 1954.

However, that is not the coincidence. It is coincidental because Robin then made the same mistake that Johnny made fifty years ago: when he swung his golf club back, he whacked his lady friend in the face, sending her toppling backwards over a garden hose, which caused her to bump into hotdog stand which sent her rolling down the trail right into a marching band that just happened to be passing by at that exact moment, which caused one of the tuba players to drop his tuba right on the toe of one of the snare drum players, who dropped his instruments and hopped around, clutching his foot in pain, knocking over an unsuspecting flute players, trumpet player and finally the symbol player, who bumped into the martial ultimately making her drop her baton and stomp off, muttering that this was not in the job description and that she quit.

Smooth move, Robin.

"Starfire!" the Titans exclaimed in unison as they watched the painful yet elaborate scene play out. They rushed over to her and helped her shaky body up, aware of the fact that the entire marching band were now starring daggers into them.

"That was most un-enjoyable!" Starfire said, putting a hand to her head and swaying queasily.

"Starfire, I'm so sorry!" Robin said, holding her shoulder so she wouldn't topple over.

"Maybe you should just stay back for a bit." Raven said, shooing Robin three feet away from Starfire.

Robin sat down on a bench; his chin supported by his hands, and scanned the golf course glumly.

At the fifth hole, a happy little family consisting of two parents and two children were taking part in a happy little game of mini-golf. The older child, who was a boy, putted his little blue ball. The ball rolled slowly, but surely right towards the hole, where it suddenly swerved and fell in a pit with a little sign over it reading 'Pit of DOOM!' The little boy just stared for a moment, mouth agape then burst into tears. His father rushed over to comfort him, and Robin winced as the little boy lifted his golf club and whacked his father in the shins. The father let out a cry of pain and fell to the ground, rolling around in agony.

Deciding that it was time to direct his attention elsewhere, Robin looked to his left.

There he saw a group of Amish folk, cheering an old man on as he putted a bright yellow ball into the eleventh hole. He let out a triumphant yell and proceeded to do a rather inappropriate victory dance. I'll leave it to the imagination of you, the reader, to come up with the particular dance moves. Mentally scarred for life, Robin decided that he had better stop observing the other golfers and averted his attention once more to the Starfire, who seemed to have recovered from the rather unfortunate incident. As if on cue, the Titans called him over, and finally they were ready to play mini-golf.

Scared that the incident should repeat itself, the Titans allowed Starfire to go first. She set her hot pink golf ball on the ground and readied her golf club.

"So I must do is put this little ball into the hole several meters away?" she asked.

"Yep," said Beast Boy, "but it's harder then it looks."

"Just try your best," said Robin, "You'll get it with practice."

Starfire nodded and brought her golf club swinging down at the unsuspecting golf ball. It flew through the air, bouncing off a lamp post and flying into a gutter on the roof of the main building where it rolled down the metal pipe, right onto the head of the old Amish man, who immediately stopped his inappropriate dancing and fell to the ground, unconscious. The Titans took no notice of this as they continued to watch the little pink ball take its elaborate course. After some time (which involved the ball bumping into a lot of things that I am simply too lazy to record) the ball went flying into a tree, sending the ball rolling into the hole.

The Titans stared, mouth agape.

"I believe that is, as you say, a one in the hole!" Starfire said, clapping her hands gleefully.

"Close enough." Cyborg said in awe. He then realized that he had a squirrel climbing up his leg, and desperately tried to shake it off. But the squirrel kept its vice-like grip on the half robot, half man's leg.

"Hey, guys, there's a squirrel stuck to my leg!" he said, but the others took no notice as Beast Boy set his green (of course) ball down for his turn.

"Your shot was _pretty_ good, Starfire," Beast Boy said cracking his knuckles, "But wait until you see my famous BB-Hole-In-One-Half shot yet."

Raven rolled her eyes and said, "Then get moving already."

Beast Boy made no means of reply, but instead swung his club back and in one fluid movement brought the club flying forward- and ever so gently putted the golf ball towards the hole. The others watched in rapt attention as the ball stopped midway towards the hole and sat, motionless.

"Yeah, great move, Beast Boy." Raven said sarcastically, rolling her eyes once more. However, there was no reply.

"Beast Boy?" Robin inquired, and the Titans all glanced from side to side.

"May I take this opportunity to ask if someone could _please _help me get this squirrel off my leg!" Cyborg said impatiently, shaking his squirrel-violated leg vigorously. The squirrel chittered its squeaky protests.

There suddenly came a scratching sort of digging sound, and the Titans turned their attention once more to the green, where a mound of dirt had formed right in front of the little green golf ball. To their amazement, a green mole climbed out of the hole, morphing into none other then Beast Boy. With a smirk on his green face, Beast Boy leant down and blew a breath of air at the golf ball, sending it rolling over the edge and into the hole.

"Hole in one." He said, laughing.

"Beast Boy, that's cheating!" Robin exclaimed crossly.

"Hey, no one ever said I couldn't do that." Beast Boy said, raising his eyebrows up and down.

"Hello! There's a squirrel attached to my leg!"

"Beast Boy, that was most unjust!" Starfire said, crossing her arms.

"Squirrel. My leg. HELP!"

"You guys are all just a bunch of sore los-" Beast Boy was cut off as a golf club levitating in a black magical aura whacked him over the head. Beast Boy was forced to make a run for it as the golf club chased him around the golf course.

The other Titans then turned their attention towards Cyborg.

"Hey, Cy, why is there a squirrel attached to your leg?" Robin asked, the side of his impossibly flexible mask lifting in a skeptical manner, causing Cyborg to let out a frustrated shout before storming off, squirrel still attached to his leg, back to the T-Car.

The others followed him soon after, chased by a group of angry Amish folk.

Feet Hate Me Feet Hate Me Feet Hate Me Feet Hate Me Feet Hate Me Feet Hate Me Feet Hate Me

**IMPORTANT**: Well, there you have it, chapter three. I know it's not as funny as the others…I'm a bit short on randomness today. T.T I'm very sorry! Anywhoo, I just wanted to get this story updated before my family and I embark on our two-day trip. Because of that, I will not be able to update until maybe Thursday. Sorry!

But don't let that discourage you from reviewing!

That means I want you to review. Now.

Ahem Please.

Actually, I have a new idea.

Review, and maybe I'll shut up.


	4. Chapter the Fourth

Hi, all! Well, I had a good trip. It was fun. And I am delighted to see that people have been reviewing while I was gone. I really, really appreciate it. Thanks, guys! Huggles

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. And you know why? 'Cause everything's so damn expensive these days! Stupid Canada and its stupid currency rates…I wish I lived in Lapland!

And just to clear up any confusion; I am using an American spell checker, just to make things easier for all you Americans out there. Plus, it's the default language on my spell-checker, and I'm simply too lazy to change it.

Look Over There Look Over There Look Over There Look Over There Look Over There Look Over There

**Chapter the Fourth**

Johanna Thompson was just your average teenage girl. She had waist length chestnut colored hair and sparkling hazel eyes. She was not ugly, but not a fashion model either. Every day she went to high school with her best friend, Stephanie, where the two girls experienced lots of high school drama that can be found in every cliché Disney movie starring Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff. (Thank God I don't own those!)

Johanna had an arch enemy named Nicole. She had blond hair, blue eyes, and was the most popular girl in school. She was also the captain of the cheerleading squad. All in all, she was -for lack of a better term- a total bitch. She would stop at nothing to get Johanna in trouble. To make things worse, Johanna and Nicole both had a crush on the hottest guy in school, Josh!

It was the day before the Spring Fling dance, and Johanna didn't know what she was going to do. She desperately wanted to ask Josh to the dance, but so did Nicole! She spilled all of her woes to Stephanie, who sympathized.

"You, like, got to, you know, like, try!" Stephanie urged, "He might, like, you know, say yes!"

Johanna was about to reply when, 'lo and behold, Josh came into view. Johanna's eyes opened wide.

"I think he's, like, coming our way!" she gasped, "Oh my God! What'll I do, Stephanie?"

"Like, you know, like, go for it!" Stephanie said.

Josh was, indeed, walking in the two girl's direction. He ran his fingers through his wavy, golden hair and flashed Johanna a perfect, white smile, complete with tooth shine. Johanna stared in awe. She took a deep breath, adjusted her shirt, and said "I'm going for it."

So, with all the courage she could muster, Johanna walked up to Josh, took a deep breath, and asked him if he could go to the dance with her.

But all of this is completely and utterly irrelevant because this story isn't about Johanna Thompson and her high school drama. This story is about the Teen Titans, and right now, they didn't give a damn about high school, dances, or hot guys named Josh. The only thing they were worried about was the one question that was running through all of their minds: _Why are there gerbils in our fridge?_

Indeed, the Titans had returned from their rather unsuccessful game of mini-golf, and had looked in the fridge for an afternoon snack only to find three fuzzy little Gerbils there. They all wore little helmets and utility belts.

"Dude, _why_ are there gerbils in our fridge?" Beast Boy asked perplexed.

The others shrugged.

"Why do we not ask them?" Starfire suggested, pointing at said rodents.

"A capital idea." one of the gerbil said in a British accent, sitting up and adjusting his helmet. The others followed his lead, and the three gerbils hopped out of the fridge. The same gerbil spoke again. "Sergeant Nibbles, at your service." he took a bow, "We were just helping ourselves to a little snack of cabbage and beer; I certainly hope you don't mind."

The Titans all cocked an eyebrow.

"But…don't you guys eat, like, seeds and stuff?" Beast Boy asked confused.

"Ugh, no," said Sergeant Nibbles, sticking out his little tongue, "Can't stand the stuff. No, no, that's just a stereotype. In all truth, seeds give us a rash."

Coincidentally, seeds gave Beast Boy a rash too. But he would never tell a soul. Still, in that moment when the gerbils told him that, he felt a small connection between the rodents and himself.

That connection would soon be lost.

The other gerbils murmured their agreement.

"Look, we'd appreciate it if you asked before entering the Tower." Robin said, crossing his arms, "And- wait a minute, did you say beer?"

"Righto."

Robin turned to his team, "Okay, who hid the beer in the fridge? You all know that we're under legal drinking age."

Everyone turned to Cyborg. He looked at each of them in turn, panicked, and pointed at the squirrel. The squirrel frowned, gave an annoyed squeak, and pointed at Cyborg.

"I, that is, uh…" Cyborg stuttered; sweat forming on his brow, "Hey, look, a cantaloupe!"

"A cantaloupe?" Robin said, "What the-?"

The Titans and gerbils all turned to see a cantaloupe rolling by. It didn't stop, but just kept on rolling by, right out of the room. The Titans turned to the gerbils, who shrugged and shook their heads.

"Okay…" Raven said slowly, "Moving on…"

"But why are you here?" Robin asked Sergeant Nibbles, crossing his arms.

"Oh, that's very simple." Sergeant Nibbles said. He took out a whistle and blew it. Immediately, several thousand gerbils popped up all around them, each one dressed in a helmet and utility belt. They assembled around Sergeant Nibbles, and saluted. "We," Sergeant Nibbles said with a malicious little grin, "Are taking over Titans Tower. Gerbils, attack!"

"What! Hey!" Robin said looking round wildly as a bunch of little gerbils started scaling his legs.

"This can't be happening!" Cyborg said in disbelief as he threw several gerbils off of him and into a nearby wall.

"Don't gain sway!" Sergeant Nibbles commanded, "Show no fear!"

"They're messing up our kitchen!" Cyborg yelled in aggravation, ducking from a plate a gerbil had thrown in his direction.

"Titans, GO!" Robin shouted, shaking the gerbils off his leg and running at the large army of little rodents.

"But we cannot attack them!" Starfire cried, "They're so small and cute"

"Starfire," Robin said, taking out his bo-staff and using it to send an onslaught of gerbils out the window, "They're attacking us. Besides, do you want them to take over the Rower?"

"But they are so small! What if we smoosh them?"

"Starfire, we'll talk about this later." And with that, Robin gave his full effort in attacking the gerbils.

Beast Boy shook a bunch of gerbils off his arms, letting out a yelp of pain as one bit his ear. He growled at the rodents, and reached behind his back for his trusty bazooka. Then he realized that he hadn't bought his trusty bazooka yet.

"Aw, shit." He said, "Well, I was _going_ to blast you little fur balls to smithereens with my bazooka, but I don't have one. But one day I'll get one, you'll see! One day! The I'll kick your fuzzy little asses! Bwahahahahaha!"

"Beast Boy, don't swear!" Robin said, throwing an ice disk at a troupe of gerbils coming his way. He then did a spinning kick flip at a group of gerbils coming at him in a miniature airplane. He sent the plane crashing into the ceiling, where it burst into flame.

"Whiskers, I guess now is a good time to tell you," a gerbil said to his colleague, "I love you."

"Aw crap." Whiskers said jumping off the burning plane. Even suicide was better then dealing with this awkward situation.

"Aw common, Robin! Starfire swears all the time and you don't yell at her!" Beast Boy whined.

"Yes, but no one has any idea what she's saying." Robin said ducking as another miniature airplane swooped down over him. The plane missed Robin and flew right on into the back of Raven's head. Raven spun round, a death glare playing on her face as she towered over the plane. The gerbils quaked with fear.

"Uh, Sergeant, I think we have a problem." One of the gerbils said into a tiny walky-talky.

"Yes, you do." Raven said through gritted teeth. She raised her hands, which started to glow with a dark magic. "Azareth, Metrion, Zinthos!"

The airplane was engulfed in the same black magic and sent careening into another airplane. Sergeant Nibbles watched in horror as his army suffered. The Titans were too strong…it was time to call upon greater forces. Sergeant Nibbles took out his walky-talky and spoke into it.

"Troupes, fall back. It's time we called upon the…Gerbil Ninjas."

Haha tricked you! Haha tricked you! Haha tricked you! Haha tricked you! Haha tricked you! Haha tricked you!

Uh-oh…cliffy! I'm really sorry I know this chapter wasn't very funny. I'm a little low on inspiration. But don't worry I do have plans in store for this story! So stay tuned, the funniness will return!

I changed the rating to T, since there was some coarse language. Hope nobody minds.

Remember, your reviews help feed the flames of inspiration! So please review…now!


	5. Chapter The Fifth

Hey, everyone! Thanks for all the reviews. Sorry about the late update…I kind of got side-tracked…

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. Sheesh, why do I have to put this in every chapter? You'd think they would get it the first time…

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**Chapter the Fifth**

Surprised murmurs and gasps arose amongst the gerbils at the Sergeants words. They all saluted and gave a simultaneous "Yes sir!" before running off to take cover. The Titans stopped, hardly able to believe what was happening.

"Dude, did he just say_ Gerbil Ninjas_?" Beast Boy asked, looking at his friends in hopes of finding some sense in this whole situation. Cyborg nodded, looking down at the squirrel on his leg, who looked back up at him in fear. Robin cracked his knuckles.

"I can beat them," he said with a confident smirk, "Bring on the Gerbils!"

"Yeah, go Robin!" Beast Boy said, punching the air.

"Show those hamster-wannabes some real martial arts!" Cyborg said.

Starfire stepped beside Robin and have him a good whack in the derrière that sent him stumbling forward. He jumped around and looked at Starfire, mouth hanging on its hinges. Starfire clasped her hands and said innocently, "It is traditional to do the slapping of the butt before a tournament, yes?"

"Uh…" Robin said, looking at Beast Boy and Cyborg who were, despite the present situation, killing themselves laughing.

"I'll, uh, get back to you on that." Robin said, directing his attention back to the predicament at hand.

Raven just rolled her eyes. She found the whole situation to be stupid and pointless, and wished that she had a book she could read right now. Coincidentally, not far off, an equally stupid and pointless situation was taking place. A man by the name of Thomas Robinson was faced with charges for crime against humanity, because it was he who drank the milk from the presidents' milk carton. He pleaded innocence, but even though his lawyer was a very well-known and respected Beagle, he lost the case. Poor unfortunate Thomas was sentenced to seven years in jail, and was forced to buy the president a new carton of milk. Five young lion cubs died in the process.

"Are you pathetic mortal-chaps done with your bloody situation? We would really like to get the Tower-taking-over done with. We do have other things we would like to get done, you know." Sergeant Nibbles said, tapping his little pink foot impatiently.

"You bet we are!" Cyborg shouted, pointing his finger at the gerbil Sergeant confidently. The squirrel chirped its agreement, pointing its little claw at the gerbil as well.

"Marvelous." Sergeant Nibbles said, stippling his little fingers, "Gerbil Ninjas, you know what to do."

Suddenly, three black-clad gerbils jumped from the ceiling –and I will leave it to the imagination of you, the readers, to determine just how they were able to jump from the ceiling- and landed in front of the Titans. The smallest Gerbil Ninja drew two long samurai sword; the medium-sized Gerbil Ninja pulled out six ninja-stars (Or whatever you call them. I really have no clue.); the largest, and obviously most heavy Gerbil Ninja pulled out two nun chucks. Said Gerbil Ninjas took a stance, Robin obliging by drawing his bo-staff and taking a stance as well.

"If you want Titans Tower, you'll have to get past me first!" Robin said confidently.

"That shall not be a problem." The smallest Gerbil Ninja said. Robin narrowed his eyes. It was then that Beast Boy, impatient that he had said nothing for several minutes, pounced into the center of the room, threw his arms into the air, and shouted something rather unexpected.

"Ooga-booga! Hah! I just placed a voodoo curse on you, and when you wake up next morning, one of your socks will be missing!"

Beast Boy jumped from foot to foot, pointing and cackling insanely at the gerbils. The gerbils just stared at him skeptically. Raven whacked Beast Boy on the back of the head.

"Can't you go for five minutes without making a total idiot of yourself?" she said dryly.

The squirrel on Cyborg's leg chattered for a moment. Everyone stared at it.

"I hear ya, little man." Cyborg said, nodding.

"This is such a pointless waste of time." Raven said, "I should just bang my head against the wall and put myself into a coma now. God, I'm so depressed."

Everyone shifted their gaze and stared at her.

"You Titans do know how to stall, don't you?" the smallest Gerbil Ninja sighed in exasperation. Beast Boy and Cyborg shrugged simultaneously.

"Well then, for the sake of the reader's attention span, let us begin the fight already!" the largest Gerbil Ninja spoke for the first time. Robin nodded.

"I couldn't agree more. HIYAH!" he then lunged forwards, only to have his blow blocked by the sword of the smallest Gerbil Ninja. Robin tried again, narrowly avoiding a blow from the nun chucks of the largest Gerbil Ninja by executing a back flip. He drew two birdarangs in mid-flight and threw them at the gerbils, who missed them by doing various flips and other acrobatic moves.

However, the largest Gerbil Ninja was caught off guard when Robin jumped into the air, landing behind the misshaped rodent and landing him a good blow on the head. The gerbil staggered back, bumping into the leg of the kitchen table, his weight causing the table to jerk violently. He was a rather large gerbil, after all. Poor fellow, his doctor always told him he ate too many Cheetos. But who can resist the delicious taste of artificial cheese flavoring?

However, heavy the Gerbil Ninja was, and the jerk he caused the table sent a knife coated in wet lye that, for one reason or another, had been set there by Cyborg the previous day. (Upon interrogation later on, the metal man denied all accusations of it being him who placed the knife there, and forcefully made it clear that if anyone asked him again, he would put them to his own punishment. No one dared ask what that punishment was.) The knife went flying, and by pure chance, landed on the stove, tearing through the coincidental fabric Starfire had invented earlier that day. (A/N: Ha-ha, you thought I'd forgotten about that, didn't you?)

There was a shocked silence. Then Starfires' eyes started to glow green.

"You adorable little rodents have RUINED my coincidental fabric created simply by mixing egg shells, baking soda, an old bottle of mustard and a handful of toenail clipping I found on the floor!" she roared, her hands glowing with their trade-mark green solar energy. Everyone stared in horror.

Then, just as the Tamaranien princess was about to launch her first attack, sirens sounded, and the wall burst open in a barrage of rubble and dust. Upon instinct, everyone shielded their eyes. The first thing to reach the rather unusual yet shocked group was the sound of a voice speaking through a megaphone.

"Everyone put their hands up!"

"Yes, way up!" said another magnified voice, "Upper the up! Up to utmost upness! Even upper then that-"

"Shut up, will you?" the first voice said in obvious irritation. Two figures emerged from the rubble. They were both clad in full army-patterned body suits, complete with utility belts and helmets. Tinted masks covered their faces. The gerbil and Titans all exchanged a confused glance, unsure of how to react, and put their hands up.

"There it is!" exclaimed one of the men, the one with the second voice, pointing at Robin. He still spoke through his megaphone.

"Yes, yes, I see him. You can lower your megaphone." the first man, who seemed to be of a higher authority, said in irritation. The second man shrugged and rested his speaker in a loop on his utility belt. He then followed the first man's lead by showing a badge to the group. The first man spoke.

"We are from the _Federal Protection Agency of the Community against Extremely Dangerous and Abnormal Creatures_."

"Nice name." Raven said sarcastically, having regained her empathetic composure. The second man shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"Well, it does take an awful long time to say-" the first man cut him off.

"It has been brought to our attention that you have a very rare breed of monkey in your possession. We simply ask that you hand him over."

"We do?" Robin asked, lifting the side of his amazingly flexible mask in confusion.

"It talks!" the second man gasped. The first man flinched for a moment, obviously caught off guard as well.

"It would appear so…" he said, walking cautiously up to Robin.

"Whoa, wait a minute!" Beast Boy exclaimed, "You guys think that Robin is a monkey?"

"We don't think. We know."

"But that's crazy!" Robin exclaimed in disbelief.

"Is it, Robin?" the first man said, "Or should I say…Nibor! For that is indeed your real name!"

Everyone gasped.

"It can not be!" Starfire exclaimed, putting her hands to her cheeks in despair.

"We're sorry to say that it is," the first man said gravely, "For you see, your friend is really Nibor, the king of the sacred monkey island of Kanuck. His race is highly ferocious, and carries an unusually dangerous and contagious form of rabies."

"You made that up! And Nibor is just Robin spelled backwards!" Robin said angrily, "Now get out of here! We're in the middle of a fight!"

"We're not going anywhere unless you surrender, Nibor!" the first man stated firmly.

"Yeah, we're not going nowhere. Less then nowhere! In fact, we're not going to move at all! We're going to stand here, away fro nowhere, and aren't going to budge, because that we mean we were going somewhere and we're not going nowhere-"

"Shut the hell up!" he first man said, whacking the second man over the head with his megaphone, "You an embarrassment to the entire _Federal Protection Agency of the Community against Extremely Dangerous and Abnormal Creature_!"

However, by the time the man had finished saying the name of their federation, the gerbil army, along with the Titans, had disappeared through a portal that had suddenly manifested itself in the center of the room. The two men looked around the room for a moment in confusion.

"Dangit!" the first man said, "It happened again!"

Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break Neurotic Page Break

Dun dun dun… Where have the Titans and the gerbil army gone? What will the two men do when they are forced to go back to the _Federal Protection Agency of the Community against Extremely Dangerous and Abnormal Creature _base empty-handed? When will my toast be ready? This, and many more questions that I can't think of at the moment will be answered in the next chapter! Hopefully!

Please review!


	6. The Sixth Chapter

I'm back! Throws confetti Anyway, that's about all there is to be said. On with the chapter!

Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Titans, never will.

The Line That Breaks The Page The Line That Breaks The Page The Line That Breaks The Page The Line That Breaks The Page

**The Sixth Chapter**

**(Just to throw you off)**

'Twas a beautiful day. The sky was blue, the sea was green and a merry little yellow submarine cruised lazily in the depths of the ocean. (I don't own the blue sky, the green sea or the yellow submarine…yet.) However, all was not as it seemed. For in the belly of the merry little yellow submarine, a group of teenage crime-fighting super heroes were just waking up, having been knocked unconscious from the impact of being teleported through a portal that had, one way or another manifested itself in the center of their kitchen back at the rather tackily named Titans Tower.

"Dude…what happened?" Beast Boy asked warily, rubbing his head and looking around the room.

The others sat up and looked around their surroundings as well. The room was dark, save for a small candle that flickered in the corner, casting their shadows on the wall. Beast Boy inspected the shadows carefully.

"Hey Raven, your shadow is a little on the pudgy side…" Beast Boy said without thinking. A moment later, he felt the impact of a large melon-like fruit hit the back of his head. He let out a yelp of pain.

"YOW! Hey, is that a cantaloupe you threw at me!" he spun around and looked down at the fruit in surprise.

"Probably is," Raven said, "I didn't really pay attention to what I was throwing at you. My mind was too occupied with the urge to kick your, presumably, furry little green butt." She then levitated over and kicked Beast Boy in the behind. Beast Boy fell forward, and sat himself down on the ground, pouting.

"That cantaloupe looks rather familiar…" Starfire said, leaning in for a closer inspection of said fruit, "Did we not see it rolling across our kitchen floor not too long ago?"

"Hey, I think she's right." Cyborg said in amazement, and the squirrel chattered its agreement.

"Indeed, I am. And I really would rather that you didn't throw me around." a frighteningly familiar low and calm voice said. The Titans realized that it was the cantaloupe that had spoken.

"Dude…" Beast Boy whispered in disbelief, scrambling over to where his wide-eyed friends stood, "That melon-thingy-"

"Cantaloupe." Raven corrected him dryly.

"Cantaloupe just talked!"

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious."

"Give me a break, Raven."

"Whatever."

"The real question is, how did it just talk, and why do I have the nagging feeling that I've heard that voice before." Robin cut in to their bickering, rubbing his chin thoughtfully and frowning. The cantaloupe shifted its position slightly.

"Ah, that is just like you, Robin. Always so annalistic, decisive. The way you always think things through is simply delicious." The cantaloupe said in an almost flirtatious way.

"Uh…okay…" Robin said bluntly, a look of pure confusion on his face.

The confusion turned to shock as the cantaloupe suddenly grew drastically in size, morphing into none other then…Slade.

"WHAT THE HECK!" Beast Boy exclaimed, jumping back and tripping over Raven's cloak, which caused her to fall over, resulting in a very angry Raven and a very agonized Beast Boy.

"I'll maim you later." Raven muttered darkly, and Beast Boy gave a scared little squeak.

"Why are you always so cranky?" Beast Boy asked from inside a crate that had conveniently been placed there for his hiding purposes. Raven opened her mouth, but paused, a vein throbbing on her forehead. She took a deep breath.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked coolly. Beast Boy thought for a moment, but seemed to find the task too difficult, because he quickly stopped his feeble attempt at thinking things through and nodded.

"I'm having my period." Raven said, gritting her teeth, and shouted, "And it's annoying the HELL out of me!"

Silence fell over the room. Everyone stared to Raven. Raven gave them all a glare, the vein on her forehead pulsing with rage.

"Well, it's not my fault that demons get it five times more often then humans!"

Everyone remained stunned. Beast Boy's jaw was hanging on its hinges. The crate the green boy was sitting in exploded in a combustion of black magic.

"GET BACK TO SLADE!" Raven roared, and everyone gave a simultaneous 'Eep!' before turning back to said villain. Slade took a moment to recuperate. (A/N: I love that word…)

"Ah…oh yes. Indeed, it is I, Titans. Slade."

Gasps all around.

"Bwaha, hm, yes. Anyway, I suppose you're all wondering why you're here." The evil villain said, stippling his fingers in a villainous sort of evil genius sort way, "Well, since I am the villain and as the cliché goes, I must now reveal my truly devious plot, I suppose I will indeed reveal my devious (and it really is very devious) plan."

He then made a whistling sound, and the gerbil army (That has been hiding…somewhere. Yeah…yeah, that's the ticket!) assembled behind him.

"You see, Titans, the gerbils are working for me." Slade paused for affect, and everyone gasped, "I sent them to Titans Tower (Who named that place, anyway? Bah, such a tacky name!) under the impression that they would be taking over your home. However, they were merely to lure you here. Of course, after waiting a while with still no sign of progress, I decided to teleport over to the Tower (Using my very nifty teleportation device I got off E-bay; you never know WHAT you'll find there!) to see what was taking so long."

"No way…YOU were that cantaloupe!" Cyborg gasped.

"Indeed." Slade said, nodding at the brilliance of his façade, "I then teleported you all here."

"But why did you want to bring us here in the first place?" Robin asked.

Slade smiled villainously.

"Well, to bring you to me, Robin." Slade paused once more for affect, "But not because I want to be my apprentice, as you are all obviously thinking, but rather, for more…personal needs."

Everyone stared in disgusted disbelief. Robin's eye (or mask, rather) twitched.

"Dude, that is wrong on so many levels." Beast Boy said with a shudder.

"Not so wrong as you would assume," Slade said calmly, "You see I need someone to look after me in my old age. Yes, even I, the notorious Slade, am growing old. And constantly fighting a group of prime-condition teen age super-heroes can really take its toll on a guy, not to mention all the other hardships I've been through like falling into a pit of lava, being given fire powers only to have them ripped out of me again, and rather painfully at that, then there's the constant getting kicked in the face, missing and punching the often concrete ground, getting zapped in several different manners and wearing this very uncomfortable armor. Plus, I have arthritis in my left thumb."

Everyone continued to stare for a moment. Finally, Robin spoke.

"There is no way I'm going to look after you."

"I had a feeling you would say that," Slade said, waving his hand nonchalantly, "Which is why I have made certain arrangements with the authoress. By paying the fee for the charges pressed against her by the Baudelaire triplets, she has bestowed me with the power of…**PLOT TWISTS!**"

Slade then laughed menacingly, even though it's rather out of character for him.

Cue shocked gasps.

"How could you do this to us?" Starfire said in anguish.

Hey, I'm broke. Besides, this makes the story more interesting.

"We'll get our revenge later." Raven said with a menacing glare.

Gulp.

And with that, Slade pushed a red button, and **PLOT TWIST!** Raven turned into a purple llama.

"Peachy." Raven said dryly, and spit.

"You shall never get away with this!" Starfire shouted the rather clichéd phrase, her eyes glowing green. She balled her fist, which lit up with green solar energy. However, just as she was about to fire a starbolt, **PLOT TWIST!** A bucket of creamed corn emptied over her head, knocking her off her feet.

Cyborg fired his sonic canon, but Slade dodged agilely, pressed the red button, and **PLOT TWIST!** His arm turned into a sausage.

"What the-?" Cyborg exclaimed, as the squirrel on his leg suddenly got a hungry look in its eyes. It started to scale the metal-man's leg.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Cyborg exclaimed, attempting to force the squirrel back down with his regular arm.

Robin was about to launch his attack, but alas, the moment he started running, a poll manifested itself in front of him, and he ran into it. No, this had nothing to do with the **PLOT TWISTS!**…He just had really rotten luck.

Coincidentally not a moment after Slade was also hit with a sudden case of rotten luck.

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Well, there you have it. I'll be sure to update soon! Remember, reviews are always appreciated. Plus, they help give me motive.


	7. Chapter The Seventh

Disclaimer: I won't say it. I won't. You can't make me! YOU CAN'T!

Fine. I do not own the Teen Titans. Or Mary Poppins. She's British!

**NOTICE: **I realize that I said the 'Baudelaire triplets' in the last chapter. They are not triplets, they are siblings. Sorry about my mistake. ;;

**Chapter the Seventh**

Coincidences have a funny way of sneaking up on you and catching you by surprise. They can sometimes be associated with the classic 'déja-vu' in the sense that they leave you with an unsettling feeling. One is often left with a certain sense of puzzlement there after, and can continue to ponder the thing that caused the coincidence or 'déja-vu' for days after.

What does this have to do with the story? Beats me, I just felt like saying something intelligent!

Anyway, it was then that Slade was faced with a sudden case of rotten luck. Just as he was about to press the **PLOT TWIST!** button yet another time, Sergeant Nibbles bounded onto the villains arm and knocked the button out of Slade's grasp. Slade gave out a roar of frustration and looked down at the gerbil.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded. The gerbil merely looked back up at him in heroic defiance.

"You promised us Titans Tower, you made us believe that we would be able to keep it as our own! But it was all a trick? Well, here's some news, old chap: Gerbils don't come out with nothing!"

The Titans all stopped to gape in awed silence. Even the squirrel stopped its attempt to chew Cyborg's sausage-y arm off to stare.

"Why you ungreatful little-"

However, Slade had no time to finish, for with a wild cry of fury, Sergeant Nibbles pressed the button and **PLOT TWIST! **Slade turned into an acorn. But it didn't stop there. In a blast of blinding white light, the Titans were all transformed back to their original state- with the exception of Beast Boy, who was now a bright shade of neon.

"Aw, come-on!" Beast Boy wailed.

Hey, life ain't perfect.

"But dude, pink so clashes with the purple in my suit!"

You'll get used to it.

Robin approached Sergeant Nibbles.

"You saved us…how can we ever repay you?"

Sergeant Nibbles scratched his chin thoughtfully for a moment. Then his beady little eyes lit up with an idea.

"Give us Titans Tower!"

Everyone sweat-dropped.

"Permission to squash him?" Raven dead-panned. Robin shook his head.

"No, we should repay him somehow…but how?"

"Perhaps we could give them the alcoholic beverage that Cyborg has concealed from us in the back of our 'fridge'?" Starfire asked, clasping her hands and giving Cyborg a hopeful look. Cyborg glanced back and forth shiftily for moment, a pained expressing on his face. Robin frowned at him. Finally, Cyborg's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Fine. Y'all can have my- I mean, the beer. 'Cause I didn't hide nothing!"

Robin rolled his masked eyes, but made no notion attempt to argue.

"Sound good to you?" he asked Sergeant Nibbles. The gerbil nodded his approval.

"A capital idea!" he said, and using the powers of plot-holes, the Titans and gerbil army all found themselves back in the kitchen of Titans Tower!

Cyborg grudgingly surrendered his beer to the gerbils, and with a tip of their helmets and a chorus of 'Hip hip, cheerio!'s, the gerbils went on their way.

Just then, the window flew open, and who should fly in using her magical umbrella but non other then Mary Poppins, the friendly British nanny!

"Hello, Titans!" she said in her sing-song voice, "I'm Mary Poppins, and I'm British!"

The Titans all stared. Mary Poppins didn't seem to notice, for she cast a quick glance around the kitchen, and tutted.

"My, this room is an awful mess! However sis it get like this?"

"Long story," Robin said, said, stepping forward, "Do you think you could help us clean it up?"

"Why certainly!" Mary said, closing her umbrella and taking out a feather duster from behind her back. She began dusting the table, singing some tune that I'm just too lazy to think up. After a few moments, she had somehow managed to clean the entire room until it sparkled and shimmered and shined! It was even better then Mr. Clean, who not only do I not own, but also don't believe to be so amazing as he's cut out to be!

"That's amazing, Mary Poppins!" Cyborg said over-enthusiastically.

"Yes, a marvelous job you have done!" Starfire said, clapping her hands.

"Now get the hell out of our tower!" Robin said cheerily. With a flick of her wrist, Raven encased Mary Poppins the friendly British nanny in her black magic and threw her out the window, umbrella and all.

"I'm going to miss Mary Poppins." Beast Boy said with a sigh, and every nodded and murmured their agreement. But oh well, people come and go, the world turns, life goes on, everything's hunky-dory!

"Oh, I just love happy endings!" Starfire exclaimed, clapping her hands gleefully.

"It's not quite perfect yet…" Robin said, and he walked smoothly over to Starfire and whispered something in her ear. Starfire's face lit up and she nodded her head vigorously. Robin grinned from ear to ear, grabbed Starfire's hand, and pulled her our of the kitchen and down the hall.

The other stared, dumbfounded.

"Dude," Beast Boy said slowly, "You don't think they're gonna…"

"I don't know, but I wanna find out!" Cyborg said, and he and Beast Boy exchanged a sneaky glance before stealthily making their way down the hall after them. Raven rolled her eyes and prepared some tea.

A moment later, she heard the shrill scream of Beast Boy. The dark girl smirked but remained silent as she poured some steaming water into a mug.

Another moment passed. She suddenly heard a loud 'BOOYAH!' followed by a series of groans. Raven quirked an eyebrow, but continued the preparation of her tea.

Several moments passed. Raven sat herself down at the kitchen table and sipped her tea, weary not to burn her tongue.

"Come on baby!" she could hear Beast Boy saying, "Give it to me…"

"You shall not be so lucky!" Starfire's voice.

Raven frowned and looked down towards the door to the hallway.

She heard everyone gasped, and Robin let out a yelp.

"Not so rough, Beast Boy!" Robin said.

Raven stood up. She couldn't take it anymore. What the hell was going on?

She levitated down the hallway and stopped in front of Robin's room. She paused and listened at the door.

"Man, it's not his fault you suck at this!" Cyborg huffed.

"Hey, I haven't had much practice," Robin said.

"Then why were you trying to teach Starfire?" came Beast Boy's voice.

"I thought she should know!" Robin said defensively, "Who knows how many times she'll do it in her life?"

Raven's eyes were as wide as saucers. It was the best she could do not to shatter a window now. She took a deep breath to regain her composure.

Cyborg spoke again.

"Well, since you're so inexperienced, why don't I just teach her?"

"No, dude, I should teach her! I've been doing it longer then you." Beast Boy said.

"Hey, it was my idea in the first place!" Robin growled.

"Do not despair, friends!" Starfire's cheerful voice said, "You can all teach me!"

This was all too much for Raven. She punched in the security code and burst through the open door, bracing herself for whatever she might see.

"Okay, what's going on in here!" she demanded. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked over at Raven in surprise.

In the center of the room stood Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy, all of whom were standing over a Monopoly board that had been knocked over. Game pieces had been scattered all over the floor, and Starfire stood in the middle of it all, her arms held out in what seemed like an attempt to break the quarreling boys apart.

"Well," Robin said, "I was trying to teach Starfire how to play Monopoly when Cyborg and Beast Boy burst in and asked if they could play, so I said alright, but they wouldn't stop complaining and-"

"That's because you don't even know how to play the game properly!" Cyborg cut in angrily, "You were doing it all wrong-"

"Dude, I know how to play it better then any of you!" Beast Boy said, jabbing his thumb at his chest, "I've been playing Monopoly since I was six!"

"-And then Beast Boy went and knocked the board over-" Robin went on saying, "Because he kept getting over-excited about rolling the dice an-"

"FRIENDS!" Starfire shouted. The boys all paused and gave a simultaneous 'what?'

"Our friend Raven seems to be going through some form of shock!" Starfire said, pointing at Raven's body that now lay in a quivering heap on the floor, her eyes wide open and unblinking.

"'Sup with her?" Beast Boy said, and the other shrugged.

"I know what will help her!" Robin said suddenly, pointing his finger into the air, "A good old, healthy walk around the neighborhood!"

**The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken **

And so the Titans set out for their walk around the neighborhood! Shocking, isn't it?

"Not really." Robin said wearily.

Shut up, Robin.

"Where shall we go first, friends?" Starfire asked, clasping her hands excitedly.

"I say we take a nice relaxing walk around the Jump City suburbs." Raven said, a pleasant smile on her apathetic phase.

Everyone looked at her in shock. Raven glared at them.

"It is a crime to be remotely out of character every once in a while?" she asked in a monotone, a vein pulsing in her forehead. Cyborg shrugged.

"Makes about as much sense as everything else that has happened so far today." He said.

And so it was that the Teen Titans took a nice, relaxing walk around the Jump City suburbs! The tall, concrete houses cast long, foreboding shadows over the street, the lack of trees and shrubberies making the long, orderly road look like an unforgiving wasteland-

"Man, nobody cares." Cyborg said with a groan. A bolt of lightning came and struck him down, reducing him to a pile of ash.

I'm sick and tired of you guys giving me a hard time. I'M the writer, I'M writing the story, and I…am so damn hungry. What does a girl have to do to get a sandwich around here?

Dad: Make your own damn sandwich!

Me: I am SO moving out at the age of 20.

Anywhoo, Beast Boy, because he hadn't said anything in a couple of paragraphs, decided to tell his friends a tale.

"Guys, I'm gonna tell you a tale!"

"Super." Raven said sarcastically.

"Here we go." Cyborg said with a sigh, rematerializing back to his…er…normal…self.

"The tale I'm about to tell you is a chilling one…the tale of the Crescent…OF NO RETURN!" the green teen said, throwing his head back and laughing maniacally.

"If you're going to tell this story at all, make it quick," Raven said, her vein pulsing even more, "Because I warn you, I'm having a heavy flow and I forgot to bring extra tampons…and it's making me very, very ANGRY!"

Several street lamps exploded.

Everyone stopped dead as they heard a little, high pitched voice say "Rage shall consume you!"

"Shut up, dad." Raven said between gritted teeth.

"Aw phooey." The little voice said, and disappeared.

There was an awkward silence. They all continued to walk.

"Oh, yes, my story!" Beast Boy said, "Deep within the Jump City suburbs there lies a crescent of ghastly sorts-"

"I didn't know you knew what 'ghastly' means." Raven said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Shush!" Beast Boy exclaimed, waving his arms in the air comically, "Yes, a crescent of ghastly sorts. Skeletons line the sidewalks, and the smell of death hangs over the crescent shaped street like the smell of urine hangs over an outhouse! But why are there so many skeletons, you may ask?"

He paused and stared at them all. Everyone stared back. Finally, they realized that he was waiting for them to ask, so Robin said "What?" unenthusiastically. Beast Boy seemed satisfied.

"At the end of that dastardly crescent, there lives a monster…and monstrous, grotesque ("Where is he learning all these words?" Raven asked in disbelief) spider! NAMED JIMMY!"

Starfire gasped.

"Oh, how awful!"

"Yes, it is," Beast Boy said gravely, "And when an innocent person goes walking down that crescent, Jimmy comes and of his hiding place and quickly snaps them up, leaving his prey at the mercy of his ginormous ("So much for a good vocabulary," Raven muttered, "That's not even a real word.") claws! And the tearing of flesh, and the screams of the prey and- OH, THAT HUMANITY!"

Beast Boy had sunk to his knees, sobbing wildly. Raven kicked him in the side, partly to knock him back to his senses, but mostly because she liked inflicting pain on him. Starfire had a hand over her mouth and she thought of the story in horror.

"Surely no such creature could possibly exist!" she said fearfully. Robin was at her side in a heart beat (Oh, that Robin.) to hug her comfortingly…er…

"Robin, what are you doing?" Starfire asked, mild disturbance playing on her features.

"Aw, sick!" Cyborg exclaimed, "Keep your hands to yourself, man!"

Robin coughed uncomfortably and let go.

"Yeah, um, sorry." He then walked into a poll.

Serves him right for being perverted.

Anywhoo, Beast Boy had managed to stifle his sobs and pick himself up the ground, despite Raven kicking him, and the Team was off again!

They stopped dead in their tracks when they realized where they had ended up.

Starfire gasped, jumping into Robin's arms. Robin wiggled his eyebrows, er, mask, doing his best to look shocked as well. Beast Boy let out a shrill, girly scream and Cyborg uttered a dismayed "No!" Everyone turned to Raven, who was busy admiring her shiny belt (I want that belt!). She looked up at them, a confused look on her face, then looked at the street situation dawning on her.

"Oh, uh…oh no. How…awful." She said unenthusiastically, and the others turned back to the horror in front of them, for the beat up, creaking old street sign read 'Crescent of No Return'.

**The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken The Page Has Been Broken **

Dun dun dun…cliff hanger! Wow, this was a longer chapter then usual…cool! Anyway, sorry I took so long to update. I had a case of writer's block. –Shudders-

Anyway, reviews are always welcome!


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